he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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