I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
