it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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