we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
