you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
