You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
