They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
