I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
