literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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