I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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