just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
