She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
