Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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