I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
