what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
