im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
