Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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