P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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