i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
