I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
