last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
