it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
