it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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