he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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