How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
