people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
