if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
