Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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