for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want a musical about memes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
