There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
