btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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