Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
