her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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