apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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