Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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