All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
