I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
