it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
