my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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