Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
