for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
