i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
