there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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