big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
