Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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