I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
