i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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