Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
