Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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