he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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