Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
