NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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