Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
